Amy Sohn is a successful writer who has done TV plots, a novel, and magazine essays. For a long time she dated men who needed to be taken care of, almost babied. Then she met her husband, a man who always put those he loved before himself and had no problem living in (comparative) poverty to pursue a purist he loved-- painting.
When the two dated it was romantic that he cooked her dinner instead of taking her out (he had to because he couldn't afford to). However, when the two moved in together, Sohn says in the New York Times, the difference in their income became an issue. She paid all the bills, the rent, and often paid to take the couple out to restaurants. He sold paintings and did the cooking, washing, and other house-work.
Once the two married and started thinking about having children, the arrangement started to make more sense. If Sohn's husband stayed home with their child, he would save them nearly $25,000 in childcare costs each year, not to mention that they would not have to worry about finding a suitable sitter or daycare facility. When the couple's baby arrived Sohn was surprised at how "motherly" she felt, and letting her husband take care of their child while she worked full time suddenly felt harder.
Sohn explains that even though she made about five times what her husband made selling paintings, it felt strange to leave all day. She would sometimes worry that their daughter would love her husband more, and feel envious of the women she saw raising children while their husbands returned to work.
Eventually the two found a way to make it work for them. Although the couple has all the stress of a traditional marriage, even if the roles are reversed, Sohn explains that:
The upside of my financial burden is that I never feel guilty about working. So many working mothers I know are racked with guilt over missing time with their children because they are married to men who earn enough to support the family. But if I don’t work, we don’t eat.
Now Sohn's husband paints two days a week in his studio and has had a few successful solo shows. It is a compromise that allows Sohn's husband to earn money doing what he loves, and Sohn can console herself that by having a sitter a few days a week, their daughter will never love one of them more.
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