Divorce Lawyers' Guide to Staying Married

You Have the Right to a (Divorce) Attorney

by Ashley

One Washington state woman believes that everyone should have the right to a divorce attorney.  The woman contends that she was in court, trying to get custody of her children, without any idea what she could say or do.  As a high school drop out with a GED and no legal training, she hadn't subpoenaed witnesses, did not know when to object, and had to cross examine her ex-husband and his new girlfriend.  The Seattle Post-Intelligencer reports that she told the judge: "I'm a good mother but a lousy lawyer."

The Washington State Supreme Court will hear arguments about whether people involved in custody disputes should be provided free legal consul.  The case has drawn the attention of the state's bar association and other groups.  Those who oppose the bill say that the state should not have to foot the bill for private court cases.  They further argue that this is not a constitutional question and therefore not the court's decision.  It should be decided by the legislature.  The plaintiffs lawyer responded by telling the Post-Intelligencer:

If the state's only interest is money, that's not necessarily going to outweigh the fundamental rights that a parent has in a very complicated proceeding.

Washington state law does allow for state funded attorney in some civil matters, but no state has a guarantee to representation in a divorce case.   The Northwest Women's Law Center and National Coalition for a Civil Right to Counsel support the right of parents to consul.  One member of the state bar association wrote:

Emotionally distraught parents are particularly ill-equipped to navigate the civil justice system against their former spouses, who may enjoy a substantial imbalance of power.

Aniston and Pitt swapping Relationship Tips

by Ashley

Today's National Ledger reports that Jennifer Aniston is counseling her now ex-husband, Bard Pitt, on how to de-stress and ease his marital woes.  Rumor is that Pitt has called Aniston, via cell phone, multiple times in the past week or so, and that Aniston is obliging.  She is not, the Ledger is quick to point out, telling Pitt to leave his fiance Angelina Jolie, but is instead offering support, advice, and comfort.

A source close to Aniston says that Pitt romanticizes the couple's time together and that Aniston believes they will, at some point, reunite.  For now, the insider says, Aniston is trying to consul Pitt as a friend rather than a former spouse.

Baldwin Call Highlights Divorce Stress

by Ashley

The call is all over the internet.  Pundits, celebrity watchers, and parents everywhere want to share their opinions about Alec Baldwin, Kim Basinger, and their daughter Ireland.  Baldwin and Basinger married in 1993 and split in 2001 but are still involved in protracted legal disputes and custody battles.  The Los Angeles Times reports that last October Basinger was found in contempt of court for violating a custody agreement.  The couple had another custody hearing scheduled for May 4 of this year.

TMZ.com, which has the audio file of Baldwin's call, reported that Baldwin's spokesperson alleges the message was leaked against a standing court order.  Further, Baldwin apparently acknowledges that he should have used different language while parenting his child, but affirms (via his spokesperson) that Ireland is the most important person in his life.

Still, the message seems to hint at anger directed not towards Ireland, but towards Basinger.  Baldwin's spokesperson told TMZ.com that over the past six-years Basinger has done "everything she can to alienated Baldwin from Ireland."  For now, an LA Superior Court commissioner temporarily suspended Baldwin's visitation rights.  A hearing is set for May 4.  Basinger's lawyers did not comment for either the TMZ story or Los Angeles Times report.

It is Over When the Bald Lady Sings

by Ashley

Britney Spears reportedly told her now-ex, Kevin Federline, that he "was the worst mistake" she'd ever made.  However, the on-line tabloid "PostChronicle.com" reports that last month she asked if he really wanted to get a divorce.  Apparently Federline lead Spears to believe that they might try to work it out when she finished rehab, though there is some speculation that was a ploy to keep her in the Promises program.

Unconfirmed reports suggest that Federline will get $13 million dollars once his divorce from Spears is finalized.  The terms of the couple's pre-nup guaranteed him $250,000 for each year they were married, but  Britney increased the amount to $500,000 a year to speed up negotiations.  Federline will also get half of the sale price of the couple's Malibu home.  Given Spears' recent behavior, it is perhaps unsurprising that Federline will have custody of the couple's two children four days a week.  She has also promised $25,000 a month in child support until the children turn 18.

Despite rumors about wanting to work it out with Federline, Spears is now dating musician Howie Day and is apparently smitten.

Rumor Has It, K-Fed and Spears Settle

by Ashley

People Magazine reports that Brittney Spears and Kevin Federline have reached a settlement.  Terms of the agreement have not been disclosed, but it does reportedly cover all aspects of their relationship-- including, custody of their two children.  Apparently, the deal was worked out in a five-hour meeting at the offices of Spears' attorney.  During a 15-minute smoke break, Spears and Federline did speak, but it is not known what they talked about.

The couple married in 2004, and by September 2006 had two children.  Trouble began in their marriage shortly after the birth of their second child, and Spears filed for divorce November 2006.  Just after filing, Spears began a stint of heavy partying that was widely reported in the media.  Her rep at first said it was a long overdue relaxation period, but later admitted Spears was going through a difficult time.  Spears entered rehab in February 2007, fueling rumors that Federline may file for custody of the couple's children.  Spears left rehab ten days ago.

Ex-Dodging is a Full-Time Job

by Ashley

Last night's Oscar ceremony just dripped of old Hollywood-- beautiful gowns, an Art Deco inspired set, and lots of diamonds.  Like old Hollywood, the celebrity set is actually a small world, and events like the Oscars can bring ex-spouses (and lovers) into close proximity.

While most of us have to figure out our own strategies for avoiding our exes at favorite restaurants, family functions, or malls, celebrities can out-source this task.  Yes, public relations firms that handle celebrity clients pay special attention to seating arrangements and arrival times.  You will never, for example, see Sienna Miller get out of a limo and run into Jude Law.  The New York Times explains:

The goal is to avoid the photograph seen round the world of two exes in the same frame, or a deer-in-the-headlights moment on live television during Joan Rivers-generated gridlock.

Before a high-end event like the Oscars publicists contact each other, "friendly" reporters, and other industry sources to find out which celebrities plan to arrive when.  A skilled publicist can also use a celeb's entourage of stylists, guards, assistants, etc. to blockade the red carpet, or alter their client's progress through the media line.  If two exes get too close, the publicist may delay their client with the paparazzi until the ex moves into the building. 

Dodging services like this, however, aren't just used at major events.  One publicist quoted in the article remarked that:

If the exes are in the middle of a media frenzy, we’ll call the gym or the grocery store beforehand so if somebody’s ex is there, my client won’t walk in.

These kinds of services may require deep pockets, but are more reliable than your friend calling at 9 and giving you the opportunity to leave the party.

Collaborative Divorce A Growing Trend

by Ashley

Yesterday on NPR's "Air Talk with Larry Mantle," I heard a fascinating piece on the collaborative divorce.  The host spoke with a CPA, lawyer, and counselor on this new and less confrontational method of divorce.  A number of states, including California, allow methods other than litigation to end a marriage.

In an era when many many marriages end up in bitter court battles with multiple attorneys and huge legal fees, many feel there is a more "humane" approach to the process.

During a collaborative divorce a spouse combines a team of experts including a lawyer, financial planner, therapist, and/or professional mediator.  The goal is to get the two spouses to work well enough together to maintain a relationship between the parties-- especially if children are involved.  The experts quoted argue that the adversarial relationship between two divorcing spouses often hurt the parties more than the events that lead up to the divorce. 

Well worth a listen.

Working With Your Ex

by Ashley

US Weekly reports that Lisa Marie (Sleepy Hollow) is suing Tim Burton (director of Big Fish and Planet of the Apes) for fraud and breach of duty.  Although the pair never married, Marie argues that Burton agreed to "combine their assets and provide her with financial support for life." 

Marie alleges that she provided Burton with a number of services during their relationship, including acting as his manager, modeling for him, and inspiring a character in The Nightmare Before Christmas.  After the pair's 2001 split, she says Burton stopped paying her for those services.  Further, Marie asserts that Burton, his associates, and her own lawyer stepped in at this point to convince her she did not have a case against Burton.  She argues that Burton and his associates played on her emotional weakness at the time to prevent her from seeking further compensation.

The two did reach a deal back in 2001.  Marie agreed to take $2.7 million (market value of the NYC apartment).  Now, however, she wants to rescind this deal on the basis of fraud.  Burton is now dating Helena Bonham Carter.  The two have a 3-year-old son together.

How Not to Settle the Score

by Ashley

Everyone loves a good revenge story...  Today's Australian "Daily Telegraph" reports that the ex-wife of a British celebrity chef, Rick Stein, nearly assaulted him and his now-girlfriend. 

The tabloid reports that Jill Stein reacted calmly when she discovered her husband was carrying on an affair with Sarah Burns (a PR executive turned cupcake shop owner-- also 20 years younger than the former Mrs. Stein).  Apparently, Jill Stein simply kicked her husband out of their home upon hearing of the affair.  However, Rick and Ms. Burns appeared at the Cornwall restaurant that the Steins still own together.  Jill slapped the younger woman in the face, and then turned and hit her ex-husband too.

The former Mrs. Stein's response: "its a woman thing.  I feel better for it.  Now I want a divorce."

Customers at the restaurant apparently cheered when Mrs. Stein hit her soon-to-be ex-husband and his lover.

Link to The Daily Telegraph article

Husband blows up New York Townhouse in Ultimate Display of Control

by Wendy Jaffe

Last week I was in New York to discuss my book on Good Day New York. Not surprisingly, the first question out of the anchorwoman's mouth concerned the explosion of a Manhattan townhouse engineered by a Dr. Bartha after a court ordered him to sell it so that he could pay the judgment issued by a court in connection with his acrimonious divorce.

According to the judgment, Dr. Bartha had a long history of attempting to control the matrimonial assets including withholding money from his wife as she struggled to beat breast cancer.

Although Dr. Bartha's actions were obviously an anomaly, the condition--wanting to control marital assets--is not. In fact, control issues concerning money are one of the most common causes of divorce.

Do you or your spouse have a tendency to control marital assets? Take the following money control test to find out:

• You unilaterally make all or nearly all of the major financial decisions.
• You do not permit your spouse to have access to checking and saving accounts that contain money that legally belongs to both of you.
• You hide money from your spouse.
• You keep your spouse in the dark about how much you earn.
• You do not allow your spouse to see bills and credit card statements.
• You closely monitor how much your spouse spends on even small items.
• You insist that you and your spouse file separate tax returns even if there is no financial benefit to filing separate returns.
• You file joint tax returns but you do not let your spouse review the return before signing it.

So, how did you do?