Divorceinfo.com, a website dedicated to exploring all aspects of pre and post-divorce life, contains an article on how to parent a divorcing child. There are so many opinions about the children of divorce, that one does not often think about the effects of divorce on adult siblings and parents (the child's grandparents-- after all). Questions that might come up during your child's divorce include:
- Will they move back home? For how long? Will they bring their children?
- How will you maintain contact with your grandchildren?
- Can you (and should you) offer financial support?
- Feelings of guilt, shame, sadness, and deep grief. Since many children have a hard time telling their parents about a divorce, you may experience shock and surprise.
- How will you provide emotional support?
These questions are not always easy to answer, and like all emotional situations the strategies will be different for each person in each circumstance. Most importantly, the author points out, you cannot blame yourself for your child's divorce. Instead, focus on helping your child heal and grow during this tough time.
Link to divorceinfo.com's article
Divorce Condolence Etiquette
By Wendy Jaffe
Real Simple Magazine has come up with suggestions for something that is far from simple: consoling a friend who is suffering through a divorce. Here is what they had to say:
"Divorce is one of the most gut-wrenching experiences a person can go through," says Robert Emery, a professor of psychology at the University of Virginia...and the author of The Truth About Children and Divorce. Just because it's common doesn't mean that it is easy."
What Not To Do: When friends told Lucy Barnes, a New York City-based clothing designer with three children, that she was better off without her husband, they made things worse. "I'd wind up defending the man who had brokern my heart because a part of me still loved him," she says. "It's not helpful to say 'What a jerk,'" Emery says. "You're also saying 'How could you spend so much time with suck a jerk?" Also unhelpful ...were friends who said "You'll meet someone else" right after the separation. "Losing your partner after so many years is like losing a part of yourself"she says. "Finding someone else was not my first thought. In fact, it was unsettling."
So what SHOULD you do? "To be able to vent, cry, or panic and not be scolded or cut off was a safety vest," Barnes says. Emery agrees, "Those going through divorce are in the chaos of lost hopes and dreams,"he explains. "Thinking out loud helps them sort things out. She doesn't want easy answers. She wants someone to listen." She also needs to get her mind off the drama from time to time. "Having a friend say 'Let's go see a movie' was good," says Barnes. "But the best friends were those who made me laugh."
Good advice. Real Simple.
November 08, 2006 at 04:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)